Life Is What You Make It
Life has a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it. It’s no secret that life is hard, unfair and working out better for everyone else. A few weeks ago a loved one shared something that they had been hiding for a few months. I was able to tell them thank you for sharing but inside it devastated me. I started to think about the implications to them, me, my family and the future, far far into the future and none of it was positive. I wanted to cry, roll up into a ball and yell and shout and punch something all at the same time. How could God do this to me? How could He add one more thing to my already full and abundantly overflowing plate? I was done. I was ready to walk away... again.
Then I talked to God. I poured out my heart. I told Him that I know I can’t change another living soul so I needed to know what I need to do to help me, to FIX ME. The answer I got was to clear the unneeded stuff out of my house. Not just my physical house but I needed to clear out my mental house too. So I downloaded a book that is all about clearing out the mental house and have been listening and learning all over again. I’ve had a lot of thoughts, inspiration and experience come that I’d like to share.
Why do we respond the way we do when we interact with others? In my experience above they shared with me and my response effected ME. My response didn’t change them or the situation at all, but it could have. When they shared with me I looked at past events from my life and the lives of others, even from the television and internet, gathering information (this took less than a second since it was all stored in my memory) then I TOOK THESE THINGS AND PROJECTED THEM INTO THE FUTURE. I created in my mind a very bleak future. In fact I imagined 8 different scenarios none of which were favorable. If I hadn’t checked myself I would have taken steps to make those futures a reality for me. My fear, my ‘this is what others have experienced in similar situations’ could have brought those same experiences into my life through MY ACTIONS.
Let’s look at projecting. Often when we have a fight with someone and we can’t let go of it, we are projecting. When our kids want something and we know it is/could be dangerous and instead of discussing it rationally we become raving angry lunatics Or otherwise irrational, we are projecting. When we get disappointing news about our health or the health of a loved one and in our minds they are suffering a thousand deaths, we are projecting. Does it help anyone? No! Does it make the situation less difficult? No! Are we able to think through the situation without fear, anxiety, depression, anger, etc? No! So why do we do it? Habit. We don’t know any other way. Our thoughts go something like this. XYZ is going on which means QRS is going to happen. Life is not always an algebraic equation there are too many varients. The only guarantee we have in life is change. So what does that mean? According to a Huffington Post article 60% of the things we worry about will never come to fruition and 90% are inconsequential, which means that the stories we told or the projections we concocted are either never going to happen or be no big deal if they do, yet they cause us grief.
When I had my third baby I went into liver and kidney failure. It didn't effect the health of my baby but the doctors told me that if I knew how close I was to dying I would never have anymore children. 3 children is a good number and I was okay with that for a while. A little over a year later I received the impression that there was another baby that needed to come to our family. I talked with my husband about it and he shared his concerns about being left to raise the children himself. So I took my concerns to God. I told him about the state of my body, my husband's concerns and my willingness to do what He asks me to do. After pondering I came to the conclusion that if I'm slated to die I'll die. It won't matter if I'm sleeping, driving or having a baby so I might as well do what I've been asked to do. We now have 8 children and I haven't had any other life threatening pregnancies. This wouldn't have been possible if I'd stayed in my fears. If I had let the fear run wild we would only have 3 children.
When my sister called to let me know that she had cancer I freaked out a bit. I was emotionally shaken. I had a hard time thinking straight and being able to function. Did it change her diagnosis or the outcome? No. Did it change my life? Yes. Why? Because of the story/projection I believed about what it meant for her. It doesn’t make sense that something going on 250 miles away could make it so I didn’t want to make dinner or take care of MY family but it did. I called a friend and she said “Emily, you have the tools to let this be what it is. You can’t get sucked in. You have to function and take care of YOUR family and you aren’t because you’re worried about her ability to take care of her own.” I hadn’t realized how much it was affecting me.
We know it’s a problem, now what do we do about it? First: Recognizing when we go into story mode is huge! Once we realize the story we can find the fear or belief that is attached to it. Is there truth to the belief? If it is true what else does it mean? Why are we letting it grab on to our sanity and run? There is another way! Second: Have a conversation with God or your higher power. Tell Him your fears! The only things that grow in the dark is fungus so shed some light on the things running through your head. Third: Ask what steps you need to take. Pay attention to feelings or impressions you receive. Write them down. (Hint: If they would hurt someone you may have another fear hiding.) Fourth: Do it! Follow through. You may be surprised how much your life will change.
Works sited:
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/fear-should-we-embrace-or-fight-it_us_5a5beee0e4b003efadb6af3e
www.thework.com
Then I talked to God. I poured out my heart. I told Him that I know I can’t change another living soul so I needed to know what I need to do to help me, to FIX ME. The answer I got was to clear the unneeded stuff out of my house. Not just my physical house but I needed to clear out my mental house too. So I downloaded a book that is all about clearing out the mental house and have been listening and learning all over again. I’ve had a lot of thoughts, inspiration and experience come that I’d like to share.
Why do we respond the way we do when we interact with others? In my experience above they shared with me and my response effected ME. My response didn’t change them or the situation at all, but it could have. When they shared with me I looked at past events from my life and the lives of others, even from the television and internet, gathering information (this took less than a second since it was all stored in my memory) then I TOOK THESE THINGS AND PROJECTED THEM INTO THE FUTURE. I created in my mind a very bleak future. In fact I imagined 8 different scenarios none of which were favorable. If I hadn’t checked myself I would have taken steps to make those futures a reality for me. My fear, my ‘this is what others have experienced in similar situations’ could have brought those same experiences into my life through MY ACTIONS.
Let’s look at projecting. Often when we have a fight with someone and we can’t let go of it, we are projecting. When our kids want something and we know it is/could be dangerous and instead of discussing it rationally we become raving angry lunatics Or otherwise irrational, we are projecting. When we get disappointing news about our health or the health of a loved one and in our minds they are suffering a thousand deaths, we are projecting. Does it help anyone? No! Does it make the situation less difficult? No! Are we able to think through the situation without fear, anxiety, depression, anger, etc? No! So why do we do it? Habit. We don’t know any other way. Our thoughts go something like this. XYZ is going on which means QRS is going to happen. Life is not always an algebraic equation there are too many varients. The only guarantee we have in life is change. So what does that mean? According to a Huffington Post article 60% of the things we worry about will never come to fruition and 90% are inconsequential, which means that the stories we told or the projections we concocted are either never going to happen or be no big deal if they do, yet they cause us grief.
When I had my third baby I went into liver and kidney failure. It didn't effect the health of my baby but the doctors told me that if I knew how close I was to dying I would never have anymore children. 3 children is a good number and I was okay with that for a while. A little over a year later I received the impression that there was another baby that needed to come to our family. I talked with my husband about it and he shared his concerns about being left to raise the children himself. So I took my concerns to God. I told him about the state of my body, my husband's concerns and my willingness to do what He asks me to do. After pondering I came to the conclusion that if I'm slated to die I'll die. It won't matter if I'm sleeping, driving or having a baby so I might as well do what I've been asked to do. We now have 8 children and I haven't had any other life threatening pregnancies. This wouldn't have been possible if I'd stayed in my fears. If I had let the fear run wild we would only have 3 children.
When my sister called to let me know that she had cancer I freaked out a bit. I was emotionally shaken. I had a hard time thinking straight and being able to function. Did it change her diagnosis or the outcome? No. Did it change my life? Yes. Why? Because of the story/projection I believed about what it meant for her. It doesn’t make sense that something going on 250 miles away could make it so I didn’t want to make dinner or take care of MY family but it did. I called a friend and she said “Emily, you have the tools to let this be what it is. You can’t get sucked in. You have to function and take care of YOUR family and you aren’t because you’re worried about her ability to take care of her own.” I hadn’t realized how much it was affecting me.
We know it’s a problem, now what do we do about it? First: Recognizing when we go into story mode is huge! Once we realize the story we can find the fear or belief that is attached to it. Is there truth to the belief? If it is true what else does it mean? Why are we letting it grab on to our sanity and run? There is another way! Second: Have a conversation with God or your higher power. Tell Him your fears! The only things that grow in the dark is fungus so shed some light on the things running through your head. Third: Ask what steps you need to take. Pay attention to feelings or impressions you receive. Write them down. (Hint: If they would hurt someone you may have another fear hiding.) Fourth: Do it! Follow through. You may be surprised how much your life will change.
Works sited:
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/fear-should-we-embrace-or-fight-it_us_5a5beee0e4b003efadb6af3e
www.thework.com
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